Serious Reflection

Questions from a beating heart

Where it all starts, is in His heart

Is it really that simple, and if it is where is the fruit?

I sit here in amazement and awe of the goodness of God. I know where I was, and I know it was only by the grace, mercy, goodness, and love of God that I am who I am today. I also see what scripture says happens to those who believe, and wonder where is the fruit? That began a spiral of "am I believing enough" or "am I believing right" or "what's my part to produce these things as a believer" or "I need this now, how do I receive it?". What seemed like a myriad of questions popped up as I began seeing more and more in the word what it should look like to be a child of God. When the teaching of righteousness is as milk for a baby, what on earth must it look like to grow up into the head of Christ?! Heaven on Earth.

You hear time and time again "It's a relationship not a religion" and I find only one problem. Over a period of time I had forgotten what it was to connect heart to heart with the Father's heart behind the Word, and the statement about relationship with Him only frustrated me, aggravated me. No one really broke it down for me. After all, how can a relationship with Father God solve my pressing need in front of me right now when many times the decision is walk on water or sink, there is no swim. Your circumstances and needs seem that dire and in many cases can be.

Trust. A five letter word, and it provokes questions in and of itself and even frustrations. It takes the grace of God to live this life by the Spirit and in love. So what it boils down to is, do I trust the grace of God, the Spirit of God, and the love of God to be enough? Can I trust Him to be enough? Can I be frank with you? My spirit cries out yes a thousand times yes! Another part of me "stumbles" and goes "uhm,...yea theoretically". I have seen Father God do supernatural miraculous things in my life, He's saved me I don't know how many times, and when I think back on those times, doubts melt away and I'm overcome by His love. His love demonstrates and persuades me with His goodness to change my way of thinking and believing.

So, the question is, do I trust the Father to produce this fruit in me and to teach me what it means to abide? Another question soon pops up, "Do you truly know the love of the Father?". With that question comes a blow to the gut, it touches my inner most being with the ferocity of a volcano yet as soft as a feather. If I know, not just know about or know of, but intimately know and make myself vulnerable to the love of Father God, then I would trust Him. Wow. Immediately condemnation tries to come in and say "you're not resting enough" or "you're not doing enough" or "there must be something wrong with you if you're not experiencing the love of God like that person" or "there must be something wrong with you if you're not experiencing the joy of God like that person" and on and on it tries to go. The constant theme is that I'm not doing something enough, or questioning the righteousness that Papa God gave me in Christ Jesus by using another person's walk as my guideline.

More and more I see the need not as health, finances, prosperity, protection or peace but as knowing the Father intimately, trusting Him explicitly, and knowing and receiving what He has done for me. When I trust Him, the very grace of God teaches me, His goodness changes my mind. The more I keep His love for me in Christ Jesus as my focus, I see truth. The truth is the question is not "am I believing enough?", but rather "have I placed my faith in the One who is Faithful?". The question is not "am I believing right?", but rather "do I trust the goodness and grace of God to teach me and correct me through the heart of Father God for me in Jesus?" I can look at the question "what is my part to produce these things as a believer?" and chuckle. The branch only produces fruit when it receives nutrients from the vine, and for us to receive is quite simply to trust, resting in Him by believing. My 'job' description is in what my Heavenly Father calls me. As a believer, I believe.

I can look at needs and not be driven by them, but rather to be driven by my Father's heart for me in Christ Jesus. After all,  to be driven by need is to be driven by fear and perfect love casts out fear. Didn't David say in Psalms 23:1-3

"A psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake"

I notice the Lord is the Shepherd, not me. When He's the One in charge I will not lack for anything both spiritual and physical! He makes me lie down in green pastures, not my ability to study the word or rest in it but HE makes me lie down. He leads me beside quiet waters, yes HE leads me in peace. Oh yea, and HE restores my soul, not my ability to meditate on the word or recite scripture. HE guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. I look at this and realize how little I've truly trusted Him and rested.

Understanding, Rest, and Trust Begins Now

In looking now with open eyes and an open heart I can say thank You Lord You are my Shepherd, You are in charge of me and because You are my Shepherd I will not lack. Thank You that You make me lie down in green pastures and that it's not my ability to study the word or rest in it but it's Your ability to make me lie down and rest. Thank You that You lead me beside quiet waters, that You lead me in peace and that it's more than just a mindset or a feeling but it's shalom complete wholeness in every area. Thank You that You restore my soul, and it's not my ability to meditate on the word or recite scripture a certain way that restores my soul but it's You! Thank You Jesus that You guide me in the paths of Your righteousness because You gave me Your righteousness and the honor of Your name! Thank You that You are helping me to trust and to rest in Your unfailing love, Your unfailing goodness, and all through the finished work of the cross!

I can now look at Matthew 6:33 with a new set of eyes.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well"

 The Kingdom of God is within me (Luke 17:21). The Kingdom is the King's Domain. Yes He has made me a king and a priest. In this context though, it looks like Jesus is saying to seek first (give the highest priority to) the King's Domain and His righteousness and all these things are added. It sounds like He's saying "practice habitually keeping your King in highest priority within His domain and out, and enjoy your right standing with Him". So practice His presence and keeping Jesus first and enjoying Him. How hard is it to do things with someone in mind if I love them? How hard is it for someone who is pregnant to do things with the baby in mind? I love because He first loved me (1 John 4:19).

So the more I meditate on His love for me (Psalms 48:9) and know I'm accepted in the Beloved (Ephesians 1:1-6), the more I bear fruit because I'm abiding in Him (John 15:8-9). I see more and more the simplicity of the gospel in His unfailing love, His goodness, mercy, and grace. My part? I think back to Abraham when God cut a covenant with Himself. Abraham was asleep. What was his part? To believe that while he was asleep God cut a covenant with Himself on Abraham's behalf, and Abraham got to enjoy the benefits of that covenant. Well before I knew Christ I was asleep, and Jesus cut this New Covenant with the Father and Papa God punished all our sins in His body. Well the day I woke up is the day I believed that Papa God cut a covenant with His Son, Jesus on my behalf, and that with Him I am crucified and now I am a New Creation Daughter of God, accepted in Jesus as the Beloved! I get to enjoy the benefits of this covenant apart from anything I could ever add to it because it was already cut!

For me to try to add to it or earn it according to my obedience is to say the obedience of Jesus and sacrifice of Jesus wasn't enough for me. See, as a new creation I don't think like that, so I know it's the enemy at work.  What's the enemy trying to do? Well in John 10:10 I hear it all the time that he comes to steal, kill and destroy. So just what is the enemy trying to do? Make the promise of no effect! Now I know God's word doesn't return void, but I remember seeing in the word that His promises could be made of no effect.

Romans 4:13-25

"For the promise that he would be the heir of the world [was] not to Abraham or to his seed through the law, but through the righteousness of faith. For if those who are of the law [are] heirs, faith is made void and the promise made of no effect, because the law brings about wrath; for where there is no law [there is] no transgression.

Therefore [it is] of faith that [it might be] according to grace, so that the promise might be sure to all the seed, not only to those who are of the law, but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all  (as it is written, "I have made you a father of many nations") in the presence of Him whom he believed--God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did; who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken, "So shall your descendants be."

And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah's womb.  He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore "it was accounted to him for righteousness."

Now it was not written for his sake alone that it was imputed to him, but also for us. It shall be imputed to us who believe in Him who raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead, who was delivered up because of our offenses, and was raised because of our justification"

Wow. What it boils down to? If I want to be co-heir with Jesus and enjoy the benefits of this covenant it is by faith according to grace (Jesus, and the finished work). Reckoning He who promised is Faithful and well able to perform it Himself.  I need to stop looking for "my part" and just rest knowing Him, and trusting Him that since He promised it He's able to perform it. He works in me the will and to do for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13). I get to be who He made me to be. If I am a believer then it's learning to be persuaded by the Father's goodness through Jesus that I might believe. If I am accepted in the Beloved as His Beloved then it's learning to be loved of the Father. If I am a co-heir with Christ then it's learning what it's like to be an heir in Him and all that I've inherited. All of this is learning about the whole package I have received in Jesus.

So, I started thinking. Papa God had called me by a very unique name, and in light of this I think it would be extremely beneficial to look at. He has called me 'Princess of Peace'. So what does that look like for me as far as "my part" (which is actually seeing who I am in Him and what He did to appropriate it so that faith comes by hearing the word of Christ and faith works by His love and possesses what I am an heir of). Well first I want to look at something very cool. I remember hearing a pastor talk about it in a sermon, and it's the story of Sarah. I went looking in the greek and hebrew. I found in the hebrew the name Sarah meant "noblewoman" but in greek...wow hehe it means "princess".

Well Sarah had experienced total wholeness, completeness and youth in her old age so much so that heathen kings wanted her for their harem. That's a real physical youth renewal! So in essence Sarah experienced...shalom. Sarah was a doer, so much so that she wanted to "help" God bring about the promise by giving Abraham her servant. Haha Papa God has soo got my number on this one. Hahahahaha! Well the promise was planted the moment she had joy laughing within herself.

Oh boy haha He's gonna get me good with this. Bring it Papa! So, she laughs within herself and the seed of promise is planted. Where was her focus? Well what did the Lord say just before she laughed?

Genesis 18:10

"And He said, "I will certainly return to you according to the time of life, and behold, Sarah your wife shall have a son." (Sarah was listening in the tent door which [was] behind him.)"

 Now that's interesting, "return to you according to the time of life". Now look at what Sarah said.


Genesis 18:12

"Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, "After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?" 

 Hahaha so He'll return when they learn to have the time of their lives?! So when I learn to enjoy the Lord and have the time of my life with Him the promises will come to fruition. Why? I will reckon Him faithful who has promised, and continue to let myself be vulnerable to His goodness in Christ provoking my faith, and let His love empower my faith. So to be His 'Princess of Peace' is to be His daughter of promise in perfect wholeness, completeness, and totally renewed! Shalom! Woohoo!

So in enjoying my Lord, and seeking to keep Him first priority in my life by knowing His love for me I can love Him back in such a way so as to live Mathew 6:33 in Christ!

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well"

 The Kingdom of God is within me (Luke 17:21). The Kingdom is the King's Domain. So Jesus is saying to seek first (give the highest priority to) the King's Domain and His righteousness and all these things are added. It sounds like He's saying "practice habitually keeping your King in highest priority within His domain and out, and enjoy your right standing with Him and you'll see the promise". So practice His presence and keeping Jesus first and enjoying Him. Have the time of your life with the Lord! How hard is it to do things with someone in mind if I love them? How hard is it for someone who is pregnant to do things with the baby in mind? I love because He first loved me (1 John 4:19).

So it keeps being repeated and shown to me over and over again. Writing it all out though helps me to see how it all ties together. All I can say is He is amazingly beautiful. He knew before I asked, and He even repeated Himself over and over again when I did ask questions, and even when I didn't "get it" He remained patient with me and kept saying it over and over again until something in me clicked. I will continue to meditate on His love for me, and continue to read this over a few times until I "get it" haha.

Out of the abundance of His heart His mouth speaks, and right now I'm hearing His heart for me. Now I get to incline my ear and listen to what He's saying. Remember Genesis 18:10?

"And He said, "I will certainly return to you according to the time of life, and behold, Sarah your wife shall have a son." (Sarah was listening in the tent door which [was] behind him.)"

This is sooo cool. Where was Sarah? Listening in the tent door. Paul refers to his body as a tent. Well where was this tent door? Behind the Lord! OH MY GOD! Not only do we see goodness and mercy "follow" (the word there means to pursue or hunt down) us all the days of our lives, but that means they are coming from behind. If they are coming from behind what is in front of us? John 10:4 has the answer.

"When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice." 

 Check out Psalms 23:1.

 "A psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want"

 So Jesus is before us as our Shepherd and His goodness and mercy (the word there in the hebrew means goodness, kindness, or faithfulness), takes us from behind as we keep Him before us! That's Matthew 6:33 all over again!

There is another part of that verse. Sarah was behind Him right? Well she was listening at the tent door (which speaks of listening with her ears in the natural) to the promise the Lord had just spoken to Abraham. Jesus was speaking forward into her future, and as she listened to Him she received the seed of promise. Only when she saw the Lord as faithful and enjoyed her husband having the time of her life did she see it come to fruition. Proof she received the seed of promise at the time of hearing? She laughed within herself, and their son's name was Isaac meaning "he laughs".

Wow. Lets just say, Papa God really wants to drive this home. I'm listening for sure. His heart is ever for me and He knows my heart. He wants me to be blessed more than I do haha! Hey if Jesus died so that I would know what a righteous, blessed, new creation life in Christ would be like in relationship with Him, I say He's got a pretty strong desire, especially since He was raised because of my justification (Romans 4:25)!

I now after reflecting on my Father's heart for me, have joy and a hope building up in me. I never really knew how much I needed this as of late, as needs had dictated my perspective. Now, wow just wow. His love for me, my Heavenly Father's heart for me in Christ Jesus must ALWAYS be the filter through which I hear and see. Otherwise if circumstances dictate how I hear and see they will dictate what I have. The Lord told Abraham to lift up his eyes and all that he saw He'd give him. I am SOOOO glad He's removing the veil in Christ (2 Cor 3:16) so that I can have what I see!

Thank You Papa God, You are amazing! I love You and only because You've inspired me with such a ferocious love and exceedingly amazing goodness! You really are working things out for my good because You love me! I'm going to just soak here for awhile haha reading and rereading this to myself is like receiving a perfect back massage. Ahhhhh! He really does make the crooked places straight! Haha!